I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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