I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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