I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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