I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So many bounce houses so little time
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
