if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
