Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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