yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i think i have herpe
just one?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
