you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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