i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We are two peas in an std pod
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
