It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
