lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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