I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
