His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
