when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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