felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
