if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
