she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
