I am puke
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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