i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think a kid would responsible me up
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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