haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
