In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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