Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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