he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
