In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
