i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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