The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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