Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
