I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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