made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
