All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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