Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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