i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
