apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
