you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
