yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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