Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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