Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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