i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
