I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
