Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
