Dude my mom stole all your condoms
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Someone shit on the floor
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
