i just google imaged poop.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
