I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
