i think my mom watched the whole time
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
