We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
