well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
