marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize