Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Come share oat with me in your robe
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
