yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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