You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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