Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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