I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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