Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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