so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
