I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
