How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize