SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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