Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
