I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
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Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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