You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
