Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
