In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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