i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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