So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We smell like vodka and hangover
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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