I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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