I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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