idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
