So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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