I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
