he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They have beer where we have blood.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
