yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
