Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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