Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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