READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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