i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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