I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
