his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
