I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
