You smell like stripper and shame
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
