ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
