fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
