I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
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Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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